Finding My Way Back....

I'm finding my way back to blogland and getting my head back together. It's been a rough few months for me, which I'll probably detail later. In the meantime, I'm down another pound so I've hit 30 pounds lost since January 1. 120 STICKS-O-BUTTAH!!

Life is really hard sometimes. But I have a great big God, a great family and am coming through this storm. Now let's get back to business and lose somemore weight!!!

I've missed everybody and look forward to reading all your blogs and catching up on how you're doing.

Suz

Self Image?

This could get kinda long....

I am self employed, but lost my primary client the first week of February. I have a meeting in San Diego this evening to replace that primary client. I am praying to God that this meeting will have the results I want today. It's in His hands.

Since I work virtually (from home) I rarely meet my clients face to face. Because of my weight problem, I have horrid fears about this meeting today. This client already knows my skills as I've worked with him for a couple of years, but we've never met face to face. He already knows my skillset, my personality, my abilities, but we need to work out some details for a permanent and possibly full time gig.

I always feel that EVERYTHING in my life will be determined by my weight. People won't like me because I'm overweight. I can't achieve my goals because I'm overweight. I can't do things I want to do because I'm overweight. Everything always ends up being blamed on being overweight.

So in my quest to focus on the positive, here is the attitude I'm going to choose to focus on today. God has blessed me with some pretty awesome skills and I'm going to meet with an associate today who appreciates those skills enough to want to sit down at a table and discuss a more significant business relationship. That is an awesome thing!

Even though I have been battling loss of income, deep depression and other life issues, I have chosen to stay on track with my food plan and am now down 26.6 pounds (106.4 Sticks-o-Buttah!) since January 1.

I trimmed my toenails this morning and realized how much easier it was already! (Too much information?)

I'm off to get my haircut and get ready for this adventure. I'll let you know how it goes. Prayers, positive thoughts and good vibes are more than DESIRED!!

Suz

What Can Change in Two Months?

Sometimes I tend to rate everything in my life based on how I'm doing with weight loss. Losing weight? Life is good. Gaining weight? Life is bad. Dumb.

I have been full on dedicated to weight watchers since January 1. In two months I've lost 22.4 pounds. Based on my prior weight watcher attempts, this is S L O W weight loss for me. Who knows what the reason is, but I refuse to give up. Besides, that's 89.6 Sticks-O-Buttah that are GONE from my body.

It's also important for me to say that in the past, other things happening in my life would kick me off track with the food plan. Getting sick, family "stuff", whatever... it would take my attention off of taking care of myself and put it back on comforting myself with food. NOT THIS TIME. I've had some major life events in the last couple of months and I have stayed the course. It's so important for me to claim this victory today. And to focus on the victory instead of the problems over which I am feeling victorious.

If I can keep up this snail's pace of weight loss, I can possibly even exceed my goal of losing 107 pounds in 2009. Let's see how far this snail can go...

Purging...

No,I'm not puking to lose weight. But I have so much going on in my head I feel like I need to purge some of it.

First, I miss my Dad. A lot. He died November 15, 2007. It seems like the last couple of weeks I've missed him tremendously. I need to admit that, admit that there's pain there, that I still shed tears and that it's hard. I miss my dad.

Second, about the job loss thing. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I was deceived by my employer for a long time before I left. He owes me a LOT of money. In fact, he owes a lot of people a lot of money. People are asking me to assist them with legal action against him to get access to what is owed to them. It's complicated and I don't like it.

Third, my husband still loves me, adores me and is seeing me through this mess. I honestly don't know what I'd do without him.

And fourth, I'm still hanging in there with the food plan. I'm down another 1.8 pounds and if anything am having to force myself to eat some days. I'm an emotional noodle, crying at everyhing (including peanut butter commercials), trying to find my way. But Prince Charming still loves me and God still promises to love and guide me.

I'm gonna be ok... I just gotta keep moving forward...

The Big Squeeze...

Today's the day... the BIG squeeze... mammogram day. I've avoided having a mammogram for the last couple of years so I HAVE to go today. My mom is a breast cancer survivor after having a radical matectomy over 20 years ago. She's done great. But here's a reminder to all you ladies out there, to get that mammogram. It sounds like a commercial, but early dectection really does save lives.

It's quick, it's uncomfortable, it's peace of mind.

Suz

PM Update: It's amazing how stressed I get about mammograms. They take a half an hour, and although it's a little uncomfortable it's really no big deal. The nurse was very kind and gentle, and with digital imaging it doesn't take nearly as long. Now I wait for the letter that says everything's fine... which I'm sure it will be. Don't have to do that again for another year!!

80 STiks-O-BUTTAH

Okay, so I've been doing a lot of whining about losing my job, being depressed, being riddled with anxiety, and all that other stuff. But through it all I've been counting my points (sort of), drinking my water, getting on the treadmill and eating right as best as I could. In fact, some days I've had to FORCE myself to eat which is a first.

Tomorrow is weigh in day but I stepped on the scale anyway and TWENTY pounds gone. That's EIGHTY STiks-O-BUTTAH gone from my body. It's amazing how when things aren't going quite right, and the scale tells me good news, suddenly I get very motivated to get those next 5 pounds taken care of. I needed this good news today.

I hope you get some good news today too!!!

TGIF!!!

I'm having a "me" day today. I have some project work, but don't really have a full time job again yet. So today I'm spending the day getting together with a couple of friends to have some "me" time. The first friend is a woman I grew up next door to. I used to polish her refrigerator for a quarter. She hates it when I tell people that. hahaha... but she's been an amazing friend to me all my life. Here I am at 50 years old and I still love to go to her house and have tea and talk and listen. Friend number 2 is a spiritual mentor for me. She'll listen to me, cry with me, laugh with me, offer amazing words of wisdom and base everything she says on her love for Christ and the bible. It will be a spiritually fulfilling day.

Food is still on track, but I need to get back to tracking things better instead of doing it in my head. I'm on the treadmill almost everyuday and the 5 minutes is getting easy enough that I'm going to increase it a little next week.

I can't wait to walk to the end of the pier!!!

Have a good weekend everybody!

Suz